


His Secret

by FyreCrafted



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Blood and Gore, Caregiver, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Empathy, F/M, Forced Torture, Gore, Graphic, Kindness, Loki - Freeform, Loki Falls In Love, Physical Abuse, Physical Torture, Secret Relationship, Secret love, Sex, Slave Girl, Slavery, There will be sex, Torture, dont tell thanos, empathic, friends - Freeform, loki tortured by thanos, slave woman, so much gore, telepathic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2019-11-23 19:26:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18156047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FyreCrafted/pseuds/FyreCrafted
Summary: The events described here happen between Thor 1 and Avengers 1





	1. Alive?

**Author's Note:**

> The events described here happen between Thor 1 and Avengers 1

All I remember is wanting to die. Dangling from the bridge. My father, no, he is not my father, which means Thor is not truly my brother. Please let me die. I can't feel my legs. Why cant I feel anything at all? There is nothing there. Maybe I died and this is all there is after a life like mine. Perpetual nothingness while being aware of the nothing? I feel something. An emotion near me. Why would my empathic abilities work while I'm dead? I sense fear, but not of me... fear for me. What if I did not die? They feel like they want to comfort me but cannot see a way too. No, I can feel you! Please don't leave me! PLEASE! Oh Gods please don't leave me. All I can feel is you. My only tether is knowing someone is near and that I can feel them. Please don't cry. No... I... I know this person, but from where? No, wait, the bridge is not the last thing I remember. Pain... I remember so much pain. I cannot feel it now, but it was there. Slow and agonizing. Tortuous, as if I were being taken apart slowly and intricately. No, please... don't go. Why cant I speak, why can't I beg them to stay? You are so warm. A light in all the darkness. Why does what you see cause you such anguish? No! I am NOT a monster. Please let that not be what is causing these emotions! I may be Jotun, but I am still the same me I was yesterday! Aren't I? Or has this changed everything? Wait, was that yesterday? How long has it been? No, it was more than a day between learning of my true parentage and falling... How long has it been? You feel as if you have been struck. Please do not hurt them! Please do not hurt the only glowing light in all the darkness! Please...

\----------------

They had made me watch. My vomit mingled with Loki's blood, bodily fluids and organs on the floor around me. “See your precious prince now. Just that little organ left. That tiny mass of brain cells still alive. Trapped within itself. You small wretched being, kneel before royalty. Do you feel their pain you pathetic empath? You can feel him can't you? Did you know him when he was whole? When he still had a body? Ha. Look at all he is now. Such a powerful being peeled down to this... and you still care?” He grabbed me by the back of my dress, lifted me, and threw me closer to what was left of my long lost friend. “ANSWER ME WRETCH” A single tear fell from my eyes onto my poor Loki. I just wanted to run. I knew this was going to get so much worse for him even after all I had witnessed, it was going to get so much worse. 

“Long ago he was my friend. My family was merchants and we had a home on Asgard. Yes, I care. I would care even if it wasn't someone I... that I... that I was friends with.” He looked so pleased at the sight of my utter misery. He grabbed me again and flung me across the room with orders to 'clean this mess up'. The mess is Loki. I am standing in Loki... I try not to collapse as the emotions flow through me. I am unsuccessful.

I know I must compose myself, and quickly. 'Please don't go' I turn my head to the operating table so quickly that my neck pops. Loki's magic. Mayhaps he can still use some of his abilities, because that was most definitely a telepathic connection. 'I won't. I have to stay here for a while and... clean up a bit. They will make me leave later though, but I will be back again. I promise.' I felt his panic, memories of pain, and the desire to grab at the only other thing he knew was there, me, another empath. Someone who it would not take much effort to communicate with. I tried to keep my thoughts and emotions clear as I put shredded bits of Loki's form into bins. He deserves so much more than this. Tears returned to my cheeks. 'Please don't cry, why are you sad?' I can't stop what I'm doing or I will be beaten again. 'My friend was hurt badly and I was made to watch'  
'That's terrible'  
'Yes, it was very bad.'  
'I am so sorry, will they be okay?'  
'Eventually, at least I hope so. I really need to get this done so that they do not get angry with me. I am sorry I cannot talk much more right now, but I promise we will speak again'  
'Alright, thank you'

I didn't want to think about what had just transpired, but my mind left me no choice. It defiantly replayed the memories of the past few days even as I tried to shove them into the depths of my subconscious:

They bound me and kept my eyes open to watch. They had collected him from somewhere, either dead or extremely close to it. They used unorthodox methods of magic and medicine to bring him back. Throughout all my travels across the universe I had never once encountered a magic style that was anything like this. I watched as they dragged his limp, but alive, body to the table before me. They stripped him of his clothing throwing them to a far corner of the room. Seeing his untouched form like that, honestly it effected me, and not in the way that everything that followed did. I wanted to touch that ivory, to feel his warmth, to hear his breath go in and out as I lay my head on his smooth chest. I wanted to grab him and run off with him. I wanted to so desperately save my old friend, even though I doubt he even remembered the lowly merchant who he would sneak off with and exchange stories and magic lessons with... It was long ago since I had last been to Asgard, so he probably wouldn't remember me. As they bound him to the table he awoke and looked around. His eyes locked on mine and my face must have let him know what was coming, he started to fight against his bindings, breaking one and summoning a dagger he took out one of the people trying to contain him. There was a deep wound on his side, and another punched him so hard in it that my poor Loki collapsed and blacked out again. 

No, he isn't mine. Why would I even think that? I can't feel these sorts of things for him. He is a prince and I, I am merely a merchant. No, I am a slave. Nothing more than property to be disposed of when I no longer serve a purpose. 

I buried the gut wrenching feeling of knowing he was conscious during all that they had done. Oh, I hope he cannot remember. They had kept him awake as they peeled off his flesh bit by bit. Some of it would curiously turn blue as it separated from his ever more bloodied form. His screams will haunt my dreams until the day I die. They had left his face pristine, for the moment. The ivory halfway down his neck ended abruptly, turning into blood and exposed muscles. After they had taken all of his skin, they waited. They waited until his screams died down and he passed out. Repeatedly. They waited until he could be awake without screaming or wincing in agony for several hours. He always locked into my gaze. Whether I was a familiar face, or just someone who was also at their mercy, and therefore an ally in some way, I do not know. There was a softness in his gaze. He wasn't able to hold it for long, because their assault soon started up again. They began removing his musculature and the tissues connecting them to each other and the bones. They hooked medical equipment to him as they went to keep him alive. Though there must also have been some sort of spell binding him to life. With every cut his screams became more animalistic. Until he stopped screaming... He had torn his vocal cords and only a raspy ghost of a scream could come from his lips. Somehow this seemed so much worse. With his bones and organs exposed they stopped again. They waited as they had before until he could stay conscious without trying to scream. This time it took days. He would stare into my eyes begging me to end this. Soundlessly he begged for me to kill him. If I hadn't been bound as I was, I probably would have. 

This time when they came back they removed his limbs, and most of his other bones, save for his spine and untouched head. They had left his nervous system. Bundles of nerves laid out on the gruesome table. Outlining what once had been. His organs as well remained untouched. This time he didn't scream, even inaudibly. It was as if part of his mind had shut down. Realizing this they went ahead and removed his organs, including his still beating heart. It beat a few more times after they removed it before it laid still on the floor. Somehow this, after all I had seen, this is what broke me. I screamed 'NO' and was reprimanded with shocks so strong I passed out. As my vision went blurred I saw him staring up at me, no expression on his face, just emptiness. When I awoke all that was left was his brain. I was on the floor and I vomited several times from the trauma of the experience. It was then that the guard taunted me over the sweet, mutilated prince before me.

\---------------

Tears burn in my eyes as I mop up this mighty being from the floor, I choke down the emotions and bile that rise in my throat. I can feel the thick coats of blood and fluids on my own skin as they dry and crack. As I finish my gruesome task I gather Loki's belongings that had been tossed aside and take them with me to mend and clean them. A technician comes and changes a few settings on the table that holds the small organ that is all that is left of Loki. His body reforms so slowly I am barely able to perceive it. I'm told to leave the area, and so I go off to my quarters. 

Though my room is plain and small, I was able to furnish it decently. I go to the bathroom to wash up. When I look in the mirror I see a thin strip of Loki's flesh in my hair. I turn on the bath and as it fills I collapse on the floor in tears. Thoughts do not inhabit my mind, just sheer agony and pain. Not only did I have to witness the horrors, I could empathically feel them, and his emotions during it all. It was no where as bad as it had been for him, but still, it was bad. When the bath is filled, I get in and the water quickly darkens to a startling shade of red. By now, I'm mostly numb, so thinking about him doesn't elicit the same response as it had before. I had not allowed myself to think about him much in the recent years. I had been kidnapped, sold into slavery, sold a few more times, and finally I am here. When I had been sold to Thanos, the dealer merely wished me a hasty death 'for your own sake'.

I didn't allow myself to think about the one friend I really cared about. Now I realize why. It was too painful to be honest with myself. I had fallen in love with Loki long ago, It was just too painful to think about because I was certain I would never see him again. Then to see him like this. To watch them dismantle the only being I had ever felt safe with and was able to be myself around... I drain the tub and take a shower to get all the filth off of me... no, not filth... Loki... Loki's body was swirling down the drain. I collapse again and sit there under the running water for a while. At some point it begins to run clear and I'm able to stand again. I wash once more, thoroughly, before ending my shower and drying off. I crawl into bed naked, but on a whim and fueled by emotions racing to the surface I grab Loki's undershirt and slip it over my bare form. That smell... Him. Memories of happy times flood my mind as I fall asleep with tears in my eyes and a pained warmth in my heart.


	2. Tensions of a Particular Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so sexual angst...   
> If this Loki comes alive he will not be happy about this >:3

Sleep was broken by horrid nightmares and blissful dreams, I'd wake, scream and then fall back asleep, but this time a loud banging on my door tells there's no going back to sleep for now. I request time to dress, but it is denied. I end up walking down corridors wearing only Loki's tattered undershirt. I'm taken with sudden gratitude for how much taller Loki is then me, I would be practically exposed if the shirt had not been tailored to fit his longer torso. I have never been called away so suddenly like this, and I worry something is wrong. They also always want me to be dressed for the tasks they make me do, but this time, something is... fundamentally different. 

I follow the guard in silence and as we go farther away from my usual work areas I begin to recognize where we must be, its a part of the vessel I have only been in a few times... The last time being when they made me watch Loki being so gruesomely 'welcomed' by our 'kind' host, which was nearly a week ago. When I had left last night they had been reforming his body. I fear they have brought me back to watch as they dismantle him again. 

Instead of gore and viscera on the table, there lays a pristine and bare Loki. His pallor skin is concerning, though not entirely unexpected with such new flesh. My eyes dance along his form and I catch myself lingering on a surprisingly large part of his anatomy. I feel myself gasp and my cheeks redden as I hope it went unheard. 

Loki groans, not in pain nor discomfort, it is the sound a defeated animal would makes when fearing another beating. His cheekbones were stained with trails of dried salt and he looked as defeated as his moan sounded. He would not open his eyes, perhaps fearing doing so would only bring sights of the last few days into focus. A bundle of fabric is thrown at me by the guard and they growl at me “Dress him and take him back to your quarters to recuperate... before we begin round two.” The guard turns on his heel and leaves. He knows there is no escape from this place. He knows we will not dare to run. 

I unravel the bundle and it is a simple set of pants and a shirt with a thin pair of slippers. “Loki can you sit up so I can help you?”

“I... I know... that v-voice” he replies shakily

“Yes, we have met before a few times. My family were merchants and Asgard was on our trade route.” I doubt a royal would have any real memory of me. Even one who had impacted me so deeply by his mere existence. 

“It is you... I remember you... You were kind to me. Thank you.” His voice is weak the usual tone of confidence and authority is absent. He winces as he sits up, but I see it is to hide the emotions in his face. A single tear slides down his cheek and I wipe it away. He grabs my wrist with an uncomfortably tight grip and removes my hand from his face. “Please don't” 

“Alright. It may be easier if you open your eyes. I promise all the stuff from before is gone. We have to walk back to my quarters also, its a long walk and it will probably be hard if...” before I finish, he opens his eyelids. They held back two tiny organs from him when they re-formed him. He tries to say something, but it catches in his throat. Tremors overtake him and tears force their way past the dark spaces where once the most beautiful gems once sat. The table is too high for me to hug him properly, so I throw my arms around him as well as I can. He slides forward into my embrace, but the awkward angle and my loss of balance lands my face right beside his pristine member. His soft hair tickles my face and his scent makes me lose myself for the slightest moment. I simply cannot be aroused at this moment... This just cannot be appropriate.

“I am so sorry” he mutters in an embarrassed tone and he does his best to help me to my feet. As I move I feel him react and partially become erect. He gulps and shifts, but there is no way for him to hide this new development. This is not the same Loki I knew before. He would have always laughed off things like this or made a joke about it. No, please... My mind plays through vivid and fast things my body wants to do with this wondrous hardened cock before me. They weren't new thoughts either. Ever since the first time I had looked upon him I had wanted to see him in such a state of undress, I have seen him in this state twice now, and both were terribly traumatic scenarios, especially for him. 

Gods, the scent of him lingers on me, constantly taunting me with waves of desire. 

He must be able to sense my lust because he takes my hand and places it on his maleness. I gasp and he shifts even closer to the edge of the table, deep within me I feel a blaze burning with need. He leans to my ear and huskily whispers: “It is okay to want this. Please do not feel ashamed of your desires. I have known for a long time of your need... I only wish I had acted on it before.” He clumsily tries to caress my face, a mixture of desires could be felt in that simplest of touches. “I have felt like this for you for so long. I've tried to sate it with others, but none... they were never you.”

“Loki, we cant...”

“Because of what you saw?”

“No, Loki, because there are people watching. There are cameras and monitoring equipment in here. If... if we were to act on these things, then we would be punished. The punishments here are severe.” If we are lucky, no one had seen us. If... we are lucky, no one had heard our whispers... if. “Please let me get you dressed and take you to my quarters so that you can rest.” I say loud enough for any nearby ears to hear. 

“Yes, Milady” he chirped. He allows me to put on his shirt without helping much, a cheeky grin plastered on his face with every slight caress I slipped into the simple act of putting a shirt on. I smooth the shirt over once its on and he gasps through clenched teeth as I hit some sort of sore... He should not have any soreness, this body is completely new... Confusion crosses his face and he holds the area with his hand as he slides off the table, as he does so his still fully engorged phallus bounces with the movement. He inspects the painful area and a slight glow comes from his hand. His magical healing abilities... I've seen him do such things many times before and as he finishes he stretched and rubs the area to make sure there aren't any more tender spots. His wiggling makes his penis dance about and I can feel the moistness building between my legs. He stops suddenly and turns to face my direction, his cheeks blush slightly as he realizes what had just happened. “I think it would be better if I put the pants on... this is going to be a bit difficult to confine, and I am not looking forward to it.” I hand him the pants and place the slippers in front of his feet, slapping them down so that the sound would alert him to his presence. “Fuuuck. I am going to need help getting those on, please. I will also need your assistance to your room. Damnation. I really do not like this state I am in.” He growled in frustration, the sexual tension in his face replaced by pure hatred of needing to rely on anyone else. 

“Just let me know what you need. I am here at your service, as you heard the guard say.” I gingerly aid him into the soft shoes, and stand so I can allow him to lean on me. Instead he kneels down to my ear and wraps his arms around me awkwardly. It took me a second that he was using a rouse of losing his balance to get his lips close to my ears.

“Is there any chance we would be able to sate this beast between my legs when get to your quarters? I do not want to impose this on you in any way whatsoever. If you do not want to fuck me just let me know and I will find my own release, but I do need to find one. If I do not ease this erection soon it will begin to cause me a great deal of pain.”

I slowly aided him back to standing, pausing as my lips neared his ear: “Loki, I want to, so badly, its just... I uh... I've never...” He pulls back slightly as if to observe my expression, the look on his face is not one of mockery or disgust but a gentle and caring one. 

“That is okay. We just need to go slowly.” He assures me in a low and gentle voice. He stands to his full height, leaning on me as if he needed more help than he did, but also supporting his own full weight so as to not put more strain on me than necessary. He rolls the fabric of the shirt I have on between his fingers, my muscles tense and I stop breathing for a moment worrying he may be angry with me. “Is this my shirt?”

“Uh... yes... yes it is. I uh, I had taken your things to repair them and, and when I smelled you on this shirt I couldn't help myself. So, um, I slept in it. Please don't be angry.”

He tightens his arm that he is 'leaning' on me with in a sort of hug. Huskily he whispered in a barely audible voice: “That is so adorable... and... extremely sexy” a growling moan rumbled from his throat. Here I worried about causing him to be embarrassed or furious at me, instead it had turned him on even more so. The entire rest of the way back to my quarters he took every opportunity to graze my arm at the edge of the sleeve. The first time he did it I was surprised, the next few times are titillating, as it went on it began to pull at my heartstrings. It was as if every slight touch was a heartfelt caress full of deep and sincere meaning... or perhaps that is just what I want it to mean.

Finally we reach the door to my room. He brushes by me as I open the door and grazes me with his still completely engorged penis. He growls a low pained sound as he contacts me and gingerly removes his pants, chucks em on the floor as if they had offended him in some way, and lays back on the bed. The colour of his penis seems unsafe. I close my door and lock it, of course this only prevents other slaves from barging in, the guards can easily unlock it if they so wish. With the door as secure as it can be I move over to the bed and kneel between Loki's knees. I want so badly to relieve him, all the sexuality of what lies before me has dissipated and all that remains is the need to lessen the pain he is in. I try to caress him gently, starting by running my fingers through his pubic hair and I am rewarded with a blissful soft moan. Moving closer to his area of need, I barely touch his erection he recoils and makes a horrible sound something akin to a cross between a painful moan and an animalistic growl. 

“No, please. Please. Do not touch it...” Tears began to trail down his cheeks. “Fuck, I want you but it hurts so badly, it is too new... too sensitive...” He crawls up the bed, curls into a ball without allowing himself to touch the painful area, and stifles his whimpers of pain. I shut off the lights and gently cover him with a blanket and wrap myself around him. I force myself to stay awake to monitor him, his breath comes out jagged from the pain, slowly it evens out and his taught muscles relax and he shifts gently backwards leaning into me. The room isn't completely dark so I take a peek under the covers and his penis has finally softened. With Loki asleep and in a better state I finally feel like I can sleep myself. 

I wake up hours later according to my clock. I had turned over in my sleep and I'm on my other side, Loki's body is curled around mine and his head is nuzzled into my neck. Slow breaths dance over my cheeks. 'You're awake?' he whispers, barely audibly. I groan softly and nod which is met by my breast being taken into his hand and kneaded ever so gently, as well as gentle kisses on my neck. He accommodates me as I stretch out on my back and takes advantage of the opportunity to top me and straddle my hips. I tense up a bit worrying about his weight on me, but he fully supports himself as he slowly takes the hem of his shirt, the one I am currently wearing, and brings it slowly up towards my head. Every inch or so he stops and caresses the newly uncovered skin. “Gods, I wish I could see you right now.” sadness trailed in his voice as my breasts were exposed. Leaning over he takes one breast in his hand and cups it gently, the other arm he used to support his weight, and his lips envelope my other nipple. Soft moans emanate from my mouth as I notice my need beginning to overwhelm me, I can feel him beginning to become erect. He reaches down to my knee and lifts and shifts it over so he can better access my inner folds a finger slid electrifyingly across my tender, wet skin... A knock on the door interrupts us. “fuck this” he groans... “Who is there?”

“Your breakfast” Loki begrudgingly gets of the bed to get our food. He trips over his discarded pants from the night before and angrily throws them across the room. He unlocks the door and throws it open. The poor server's face goes intensely red and their eyes lock onto Loki's hard cock. Without another word Loki takes the platter, closes and locks the door and returns to the bed.

“Why are you giggling... what about this could possibly make you chirp so? Hmmm?” his voice teetered between being cheeky and frustrated.

“You're just...” -sigh- “Oh Gods I missed all these little things about you.”

“And to what exactly are you referring?” He cocked his head to the side, slightly bewildered that anyone could miss him so. 

“You Loki, all of you. I missed you so much Loki... I... I never thought I would ever see you again.”

“I am right here” he cooed “My dear I am right here.” He put the tray on the bedside table and starts caressing my face. “Please don't cry darling.” Kisses wiped away my tears as he returned his hand to my place of need. He dove deeper and felt around until he touched a spot that made me squirm more than any other. “Aha! Look what I have found...” He toys with the spot as I wriggle and giggle, I'm not paying attention to him and he takes advantage of my distraction. Suddenly a moist, warm tongue is circling my clit. I stop wriggling and the giggles turn into stifled moans. He matches his rhythm to my breathing, as well as adding fingers to my wet cavern to open me up a bit. I begin to come hard, and fight to stifle my moaning. Loki laughs proudly at his mischievous skills of making me turn to putty so easily and shifts himself upwards bringing his lips to mine and arching his back so that he can align himself to be able to penetrate me with something other than fingers. He sighs in relief as he pushes slowly into me. Cupping my head in his hand, he begins deeply and passionately kissing me, soon invading my mouth with a tongue that tastes of myself. “I wish I could see your face” he mutters breathlessly. “I can sense you... but, it is no match for seeing you with my own eyes. I wonder if I will ever get the chance to...” a single tear falls from him onto my cheek as his words trail off and catch in his throat. He sniffs a bit then seems to steel himself and thrusts harder into me, unexpectedly, causing me to yelp. “Sorry, Did I hurt you?”

“No, I was just surprised. You feel wonderful.” A sly grin overtakes his face as he starts rhythmically thrusting into me. Each small sound I make seems to spur him on... until...

“Fuck! Oh come on!” he raspily grunted

“Whats wrong?”

“I'm coming...” a mixture of pleasure and annoyance washed over his face

“Already?”

“It would seem so... OH!” If those sockets still had his gorgeous eyes in them, they would undoubtedly be rolling in annoyance at the moment. “Apparently a freshly regrown body does not have the same sexual stamina as the original... I am so sorry, I wanted this all to be so much better for you, especially as its your first time...” He rolled onto the bed beside me and we curled into a spooning ball. 

“Its okay. You're with me. That's what matters. Even though the situation is shit.” He turned so we were facing each other and caressed my face as if he was trying to 'see' me using his sense of touch. 

“I sincerely cannot fathom why I had not taken the opportunity to do this all those years ago. I...” he deeply sighed, wondering if he should make this confession or not. “I... if... if I had thought Odin would have approved, I had serious intentions to ask you to be my wife.” He held his breath waiting for a response.

“Really? Me?”

“My dear, I have been under your spell since I first laid eyes on you. Logic cannot explain my feelings for you. Its as if the Norns themselves arranged our pairing. At least... for me... that is what it feels like.”

I turned to face him. “Honestly that would make sense. Especially after us both coming to this horrendous place.” He kissed me gently. I wish I could see his eyes right now. I long to see that tenderness in them that I feel from his touch. 

“I love you”

“I love you too” We laid there and lost time, just being near each other for the first time in so long.


End file.
